Jade Raybin

satirist. scribe. storysmith.

21 Reasons to Hire me as a Writer

  1. Because I was a gypsy acrobat. No really, I was.
  2. Because I count among my dearest friends a plumber, a painter, a reformed gangster, an Islamic mysticism scholar/visual anthropologist, a polyamorous Buddhist nanny, and a professional skate ninja.
  3. Because I had a drink with a nuclear weapons disposer in Chiang Mai. Yes, the guy who escorted weapons to their point of disposal. He was a portly, balding ginger, who relaxed by climbing Mount Everest and wanted to buy a fellow traveler a drink. He didn’t quite get what he wanted, but I got a story.
  4. Because I've known enough skaters and hippies and businessmen and carpet cleaners to have a plethora of terrible jokes and pick up lines to draw from at will.
  5. Because I make self-deprecating jokes, but somehow always seem to botch 'it.
  6. Because when I taught high school in East Oakland, I made my students create original cultures as part of a an assignment. One group made up Gangster Island where Ice Cube’s Mom made all the food, and the native greeting consisted of “Flashing” on somebody. If they didn’t flinch, you gave them a nod and welcomed them, “cause they gangsta.”
  7. Because I dreamt I was a daffodil once, it had nothing to with the fact that I was working at a flower shop.
  8. Because I know you gain the trust of your audience by paying attention to the details.
  9. Because I read.
  10. Because growing up in my house, when I asked for the definition of a word, my beat poet father gave me a 20min answer culminating in pulling out the dictionary.
  11. Because while giving birth at home I screamed at my midwife, “I know you have drugs and you’re just not sharing.”
  12. Because my years as a grant writer taught me that nothing matters more than clarity.
  13. Because I’ve taken enough greyhound bus rides to have spent hours talking with Veterans, the Amish, and Maggie Gyllenhall’s nanny.
  14. Because I do cartwheels when I’m stressed out.
  15. Because I’ll rewrite and rewrite and collaborate and question and fret until it is better. And better still.
  16. Because I read.
  17. Because I cured my fear of spiders by watching the movie Arachnaphobia again and again until I was desensitized.
  18. Because I believe every human born has a story to tell, every villain owns a wound deep enough to make you shudder, and every hero was once a coward.
  19. Because I’m a hopeless romantic, and in the realm of literature, I’m in damn good company.
  20. 20. Because I enjoy penetrating the depths of your psyche from the comfort of my own home.
  21. 21. Because I finish what I start.